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March 22nd, 2008

10:11 pm - Frozen Angels I just came back from chaperoning the H1 kids to watch "Frozen Angels" by TNS. What I had thought would be a pretentious piece - what with the endless close-ups of hair follicles and worse, nose hair -.- in the deep recesses of a nostril - as the prelude, made it seem like just another one of those productions that lose their souls in an attempt to give a nod towards multi-media!/interdisciplinary! synergy!! But the emotions evoked were very raw and real. How we drift away... How we try to possess people we love; but fail. We are always too quick to proclaim, to our other halves, how we will love them forever! That we want to be with them forever! But can we truly deal with eternity? There was a Q&A session after the play and I realised why people came up with the theory of The Death of the Author. There was a scene in the video, where the sick and wheelchair-bound father was standing up behind a Merlion, with the domestic help (acted by the lady who plays his daughter as well) caring for him at his side. I thought it might be a reference to the 'hybrid' role that domestic helpers now play - as workers and family (that is much closer than blood relations); or that the Merlion is the missing daughter (who left his father because she could not stand caring for him), who has turned her back on her father and whose identity as daughter has been invented by those too insecure and anxious etc. So when I asked why it was that there was a Merlion, my little bubble burst to hear that it was because they shot it at Mt Faber and the Merlion was just THERE! T-T Hahahahahahaha. *Cue kwa kwa kwa kwa sound* Over-reading! Boo! Haha. Another interesting part was when the caucasian professor in the audience referred to the wake in the video as the 'restaurant' scene - probably because of the tables with plates of peanuts/melon seeds/red threads. I guess sometimes we really take for granted mutual understanding, but cultural codes are often lost in translation - to borrow a cliche - and I wonder whether their appreciation of those scenes at the wake were any different from ours! Should have asked! Darn! But anyway, I really loved the play! It was moving, deeply so, and there was nary a dry eye! I exaggerate of course. ;) Oh, and the multimedia artist is my direct junior from college! I think we were angels/mortals and his nick was "avant garde"? Prophetic. And a small world. :) Current Mood: satisfied

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January 9th, 2008

08:01 pm - Stronger Criticisms should only be dealt when one has full appreciation of the work done. How can one comment on the selection when one has not even READ through it thoroughly? And worse, admits as much. Time is of essence. Do not fault my efficiency because of your lackadaisical outlook. I shall prevail. ROARS! Do not trifle with a PMS-ing woman! Current Mood: aggravated

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October 19th, 2007

12:02 pm - I miss school I miss attending school as a student. Those carefree days of scribbling notes during lessons (both academic and delightful gossip), slacking with friends, laughing and bitching, the countless “meals” we had each day because of all the free slots, mugging in the library and feeling virtuous about all the colourful mind maps drawn, but never memorised. Those were the days… School now’s great too I guess. Friends around me. Amusing students who make me laugh. But it’s just really different. No, it’s not just marking that’s a bitch and not so simple and straightforward now that I’m on the other side of the fence. My sympathy and deeeeeepest apologies to all the teachers I have ever considered slow, inept, and incapable. When there isn’t just marking but conflicting demands, a speech to write, a press release to prepare, lessons to plan, commenting on in-class worksheets, it now becomes clearer why we never got the scripts back the very next day after taking the test. And back then I thought teachers were probably filing their nails in the office if they took a little longer with the scripts. Karma. I guess to a large extent, what I miss most is the predictability. Of course now my life is still timetabled. Hooray for left-brainer me! But what matters more is that you no longer can take forgranted the fact that you would spend X number of years with the people around you. Even if you hated this classmate of yours, you KNEW for a fact that she/he would still be with you till the day you graduate. But now, people just leave. There is no stability. Even if you don’t talk to that colleague/friend every single day, it is reassuring to know at the back of your head that she/he is just there, moving in the same orbit as you. Students you have seen grow during the course of the year, would of course continue to mature, but you would no longer be part of that process because you no longer teach them and are thus no longer part of their structured life. Loss is part of growing up. Current Mood: pensive

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January 6th, 2007

11:28 pm - on teaching... and learning it's been such a long time since i last posted an entry. practicum has long been over. in fact, a new batch from nie (read: folks well-versed in piaget) have entered the school. i guess for the longest time, i thought that from the moment i've sold my soul to the academy of star-fish throwers, there is seriously nothing worth writing about. anyone who knows teachers knows that when we signed on the dotted line, we all became slaves to clause 10.3.1a, "All teachers, as and when they have enough time to tear themselves away from preparing lesson materials, marking painful scripts, CCA commitments etc., will gather and talk SOLELY about their students and teaching, in order to bore everyone who is not in the profession to tears or to convince them to come onboard and makes lessons come alive." so... i stopped. but i was in school today having consultation with my student, who writes in a rather poetic fashion#, and a conversation with him changed my opinion. he asked if i blogged and i said i used to until i started teaching and thought it would be boring. and he said that talking about something showed that it mattered (i am unable to quote ad verbatim because i was pondering what he said, yes, i'm not much of a multi-tasker i know). it may seem like the most obvious thing to say, but it really made a difference and re-presented the situation for me. and i cannot help but be disgustingly mushy at this point but to say that teaching is a two way street. i came into the school believing that the students had as much to teach me as i had them. and i must say that my past half a year here has been a wonderful learning experience. i find out more about my students, each rather delightful individual in their own way, and at the same time, i find out more about myself. which reminds me of the thought provoking talk i had with o, bm, and j on what is our passion. what is passion? i thought my passion was for reading, then perhaps teaching, but i really cannot say for a fact that it is my passion because the term definitely entails more than interest, of which i have many that are fleeting. people often ask me if i see myself staying in the profession for the long haul and at this point in time, i can say that i do. and i do feel enthusiastic and excited at the prospect of it. perhaps, knowing this is sufficient. there is no need to label this feeling that i have for teaching. # why does the young budding poet require consultation one might ask. well, because believe you me, we do not appreciate having to read meaning into their academic writing. Current Mood: hopeful

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February 27th, 2006

04:54 pm - why i love teaching... because i get to say things that i've always wanted to say to misbehaving kids--especially those on wheelies (or whatever it's called. i really can't remember. just the thing kids wear and gliddddddde around in the most annoying fashion, and you really just wanna stick out your leg and trip them)--OUT LOUD!!!! instead of just muttering it under my breath. ha. the satisfaction! *beams* a bunch of sweaty tiny boys, wearing short shorts were kicking ball in the canteen and just the sight of it was enough to piss me off. don't even get me started on the potential danger of hot soup, glasses etc. so i briefly took my attention away from my delicious roti prata (they have prata in the school canteen! hurray!!) and hollered "ARE YOU EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE PLAYING HERE?!" *super fierce teacherly glare* and of course, they stopped. yayy!! so fun! haha.. and yes, i know i am such a bully to pick on those smaller than me. but we do need our perks. ha. *unabashed smirk* Current Mood: cranky

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February 20th, 2006

05:03 pm - first day!! it was with trepidation that i went for practicum today. BUT! in spite of having to wake up at the ungodly hour of 5.45 *roarrrrrsssss-yawn* it was pretty much a good-vibes day! as we were supposed to meet the school coordianting mentor at 7.15, i was almost going to be late! trying not to create a negative first impression, i hurried off the feeder bus, jostling rather unglamly with the school kids. so i was half-brisk-walking-half-trying-to-look-composed when i heard pounding footsteps behind me. suddenly, a sec-three boy (i presume, seeing that he was in long pants) appeared in the corner of my eye and thrust two ten bucks notes into my direct line of vision, exclaiming "teacher you dropped your money!!". i was soooooo heartened!!!!!!! that boy is sooooo honest!!! i am seriously touched by his gesture. =) such a sweet little thing! *SCORE for the school* hahha.. and so my day began on a realllly good note! =) then i saw this fellow lit-hons-mate there in the office as well! *score again*! =) she got re-posted, so initially i wasn't aware that she was going to be in the same school. so yay for familiar face! soon everyone came, and of course we were super out of place because we were the only teachers in OTT outfits, long-sleeve blouses and long skirts/pants! ha. that wld prob be the one and ONLY day we're dressed this formally. so we were semi-lounging on the sofa in the office, when this matronly woman walked by and struck a conversation with us. and we were all just continued nua-ing on the sofa while talking to her, until she walked away, and one smart trainee asked, "do you think she might be the principal?" nooooooooooooooooo!!! hahha.. there went our first-impression-points! and as luck would have it, she is the principal. bleah. what a boo-boo. but it's alright... coz she was pretty nice and stuff. had flag raising, where we were exhibits, followed by numerous talks. we were brought from one place to the next, passed from one person to another yada yada.. but it was good! nothing to complain about! i am just really thankful that the place seems a lot less oppressive and a lot brighter--in the literal sense and in terms of aura--than my school experience school. i would gladly travel, if that means that i would have a positive and supportive school environment. Current Mood: hopeful

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January 23rd, 2006

06:32 pm - question how do you like, post pcitures in your lj entries? Current Mood: confused

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January 22nd, 2006

10:59 pm - goodbye cruel world... i have been mortally insulted by the people working in the confectionery in my neighbourhood. thinking of grabbing some breakfast for buddy and i, i went to this confectionery that i have NEVER patronised before, even though it's pretty near my place.. so i was looking around happily, or not so happily, at the lacklustre selection *a disclaimer at this point is necessary: i am not slamming their bread in retaliation to the blow dealt to my ego.. really. hand on heart.* so, anyway, i finally chose this least toxic looking ham bread thing and was ready to go to the cashier to make my payment when i heard the lady recommending a "jian4 kang1 mian4 bao1" (healthy bread) to this guy. so being ever thirsty for new knowledge, even if it involves merely jian kang mian bao, i turned my head to look at what it was. the loaf was pretty interesting.. and had like red bits which i thought was cranberry. since i do like cranberries, i decided to find out what it was. and the lady said, "li3 mian4 you3 wu2 gu3". ok, seriously... who the hell knows what is "wu2 gu3" right? i mean.. is the bread boneless?? so i said huh? and she said, like there's wheat and stuff. because i choke on wheat bread, i lost interest and turned away. at this choice moment, the auntieeeee said, "ke2 yi3 jian3 fei2" ROARSSSSS!!!!! I KNOW I AM BAH BAH!! BUT I NEVER SAID I WANTED TO JIAN FEI OKKKKK! my ego was dealt a mortal blow! i went to the cashier to pay for my oily, unhealthy, fatty ham bread and u know what??? to add salt to my injury, the two gals at the cashier were exchanging looks and sniggering!!! a shop of B-I-A-T-C-H-E-S!!!! i hate them!! hmph* so.. initially it was going to be a rather slack sunday night for me.. instead, now i am busy nursing my very very much deflated ego back to a healthy size.. sniffle... p/s: well, obviously upon hindsight, there are so many wonderfully bitchy lines i could i have thrown at them to get them grovelling and begging for forgiveness, those mere mortals. but the truth remains that, these flashes of genius often desert you until you are actually out of the whole incident. so.. that's that. Current Mood: cranky

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January 6th, 2006

02:34 pm - sian-ness! Learning Outcomes: At the end of the lesson, students must be able to realise that the cliche, "you must not judge a book by its cover", is just that--a cliche; and to demonstrate an understanding of the fact that it does not pay to be conscientious! i got lectured for wearing flip-flops in the library. *hmph* Current Mood: pissed off

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November 8th, 2005

09:58 am - books and more books... it's the FINAL week of lectures and what-nots and the last assignment has been completed!so i went to the orchard library with my sisters to pick up some books to read. but i have just come to the realisation that i do not quite like to read library books. having borrowed so many books, i am now scouring my untidy book shelves and the various unopened kino plastic bags to check out what books i own but have not read. i think it isn't so much the fact that the books i borrowed don't interest me, there is jostein gaarder's the christmas mystery which i want to read, but i just like reading "new" (literally) books. hahaha... frivolous. oh well, maybe i shall start with those i own before moving on to the borrowed ones... oh, the sweet dilemma!!! to read from my own library or to read from a public library. AT LAST!!! reading for pleasure! =) Current Mood: high

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September 6th, 2005

10:01 am - life here we sit at the extreme ends of activity and inertia, simultaneously. life here is slow moving. it could be because we are so close to nature, and we are at least half an hour away from "civilization". or it could be the whole self-sufficient nature of this place. yet, we are constantly bogged down with an increasing amount of work. there is no time to breathe. and yet there is. long dinners with buddy, chatting while we're supposed to be doing work, laughing in the showers, giggling in the room. there is so much time and so little. life here is confusing. lunch yesterady with ber and san brought up the topic of kids. does a teacher have to like kids? if you like kids, do you have to have your own? increasingly i find myself becoming detached from the whole notion of having kids of my own. i don't look forward to it, nor at this stage of my life, think i want to have them in the first place. my choice to teach has always had more to do with lit than kids. that does not mean that i do not care for their well-being in and out of the classroom, but i do wonder if it will make me less dedicated than a teacher who is in teaching because of his/her passion for interacting with youths. and of late, when i least expect it, certain long burried issues arise and deepen my conviction that it is not easy bringing up children of your own. lesson time!! story of our life in nie. Current Mood: confused

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July 29th, 2005

01:27 am - without warning... i found you standing right beside me. my pitch rose in mid-sentence, a futile bid to calm my nerves. i laughed louder than the joke warranted, to block out the startling image my eyes picked up. i stared steadfastly ahead, holding my neck stiff. never allowing myself to turn in your direction. all the time knowing you were there because i masochistically kept you visible, in the corner of my green eye. i held it so straight, "rigor mortis" ran through my head. and isn't it true? for you as well as for me? i cannot look you in the eye. because you are a reflection of who i used to be. the broken i. Current Mood: moody

July 12th, 2005

07:58 pm - i miss school i did not realise how much i miss reading something that is not a textbook, or official teaching aid, till i was surfing the net for materials on persuasive writing. i read the site, which was nothing fantastic, with hunger, which speaks of my desperation. i could not tear my eyes away from the screen. it actually made me look back on research workshop fondly. a lot of my sense of loss--being "lost" and the sad feeling of "losing" myself--perhaps has to do with the constant need to realign myself with what the environment has to offer, which is very much of a culture shock to me. of course i never realised how sheltered an academic environment i have had, till i was allowed a closer look into that which is not what i am accustomed to. change and adapt. that is what we all have to go through in life. since i can't even remember when, sarcasm has been the mode of conversation for me and those around me. nothing malicious, just familiar bantering among close friends. but this is not possible with the students. it falls flat on them. my colleagues are of such a different frequency that everything i say seems to get lost in translation. they are the children-loving-sweetie-pies who aspire to teach primary school kids and ultimately open a child care centre, which i am anything but. we just do not click. and i feel myself withdrawing into a shell i never even knew existed. perhaps i am not trying. but with friends, one does not even have to try... of course there are the good moments as well. the kids can be really funny. some of them take a genuine interest towards learning, but because there are bad apples in the class, and a pecking order where some are ordered around, others just simply a free-for-all-punching-bag, learning is impossible. which is actually the major gripe i have with being in this school. lesson, after lesson, after lesson, gets wasted disciplining, carrying out simple, mindless tasks like tearing out the model answers from a grammar assessment book, writing their names on it, and handing it back to the teacher in charge. this simple task takes one WHOLE 40 minutes period. and it is just normal. at the end, while walking out of the classroom with the teacher, she said, "they want to waste time, go ahead. i don't mind. i don't care." morale is seriously low in school. my sister said that different schools are set up for different purposes. some schools are there just to keep the kids off the streets and out of trouble. is this what learning is about? perhaps i have to not just see, but accept the fact that learning, in the academic sense, is not all there is to an education. tomorrow will be my turn to try my hand at taking "the most notorious and trying class", according to all the teachers and even the principal, for one period. this afternoon's relief session where i tried to get to know their names was a good one. i hope they realise that they can be individuals beyond the image of the "worst class" that has been painted of them. i'm not trying to change the world or "save the starfish" as the ministry would like to brainwash us into believing. i just want to put all the past unhappiness i have had in the school behind for just one day... because even the boy who has to report to the police officer every afternoon wants to know how to pronounce "assaulted" and the meaning of "revealed", which he saw on the newspapers lying on the floor. he brought it all the way to the teacher's desk to ask about the articles. i shall be positive about tomorrow!! after all the "observations" for the past two weeks, tomorrow will be my "teaching" day. =) Current Mood: hopeful

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May 5th, 2005

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April 23rd, 2005

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April 1st, 2005

12:50 am - in denial.. Your Element is Air: You are an artistic person with a unique sense of style. Your attitude changes along with colors, style and outlook on life. You are intelligent and curious person; although prone to wander in thought. You are constantly active, care-free, kind and you most likely enjoy singing. You are the person in your group who keeps everyone happy and free from worry. You have what everyone is searching for, that proverbial fountain of youth deep inside. You can come across as childish, but you're really just having fun. Constantly moving, the air is a force of nature. One moment you can be a breeze, the next a tornado but, you are usually calm, and in desperate situations, you can be the sanest person there. What's your Element? brought to you by Quizilla

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March 28th, 2005

09:31 am - the size 16 mammoth resists all attempts to make it a size 12 spent allllllll night trying to cut down my ht to no avail. ta ma de. it's still as huge as before. why??? it seems to have taken on a life of its own, ballooning beyond my imagination. to sleep. i shall conquer it soon! *roars* Current Mood: exhausted

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March 17th, 2005

10:51 pm - 已经很久没有在这儿留下思绪，摸索着真确的词汇让我精疲力尽。 this was meant to be an entire entry done in chinese, but i'm ashamed to admit that typing in chinese is a little too tedious... because i realised time was running out, i actually worked on my ht on mon and tues (i usually only do anything about it on wednesday nights after my long day in science doing cross fac) and managed to churn out an overhauled intro. so i very zhishuang-ly sent it to ll and ang, declaring how the incorrigible me was kinda 'reformed', having for once turned in an early piece of work. yesterday night, after a jog* (digression in footnote), i started on another chapter for my ht. and it just draggeddddd on, by the time i was done with it, it was almost 7am. so, when i went for consultation, ang said that old habits die hard. which i thought was pretty funny, beause it is so true. and i begin to wonder how much damage (or violence!!! haha) has been/is being done to our bodies as we try to churn out essay after essay, into the wee hours of the night/dawn. we're warped. anyway, this is the second last session of consultation. ll and i are starting to feel a sense of loss. the routine of meeting every thursday, where we'll take turns to do "mini-presentations" of our parts--which takes up an hour or less--which will then be followed by an hour and a half (or more) of general gossip/chit chat. though the small talk that we make can get a little erm, academic at times (it's ang after all), it's highly enjoyable... i miss it already!!! and oh! ll got me byatt's possession! yay =) so sweet of her. i tried to take pictures of very pretty korean chocs (they're so pretty i can't bear to eat them) fr SUPER nice bb with my hp BUT i can't quite capture it. the resolution is too freaking low. at the same time, there is something beyond the literal inability to capture it i feel... ok, i'm back. my sisters will hate me. haha. had a nice dinner chatting with ash. and now dee is jio-ing me 2 go lim teh at fs! *digression i wanted to make about the jog: while i was jogging around the tracks, (i was on the innermost ring), and looking at the skyline, smthg suddenly caught my eye on the next track. i looked down to see a small boy, bent over and looking out from between his legs. i was a little freaked. because it was late and, what the hell is the boy doing??? i tried my best not to stare and just ran past him. a little too close to his bent-over frame for comfort. and as soon as i passed him, i heard pattering footsteps coming right behind me. i tried to stay very calm. but given the spooked frame of mind i was in, it took serious willpower to tell myself NOT to turn back. so i tried to pick up speed, and the footsteps pattered even more frequently and insistently. TA MA DE!!! i shouted internally. finally rounded the damn bend and when i looked again... he was still there lahhhhhhhh. so he's REAL. wah lau. had such a fright. caffeine makes me jittery i swear! Current Mood: drained

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March 11th, 2005

01:25 am - sound advice Let us be resolute in prosecuting our ends, and mild in our methods of so doing. --Aquaviva Current Mood: contemplative

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March 10th, 2005

12:58 pm - L.U.C.K from my cryptic, super-"focused"-when-studying, chilli-loving, peanut-cracking-GERMAN-beer-guzzling-"uncle" friend, whom i've spent many happy-fruitful (in spite of, or precisely because of, the chatting and giggling) hours studying with! Current Mood: amused